Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Week 26 - Knocked Down & Getting Back Up

I let myself have a break from writing here which my be my longest one from here ever. While I'm on the upswing from a very physically draining recovery of my chemo treatment in early December, it has left me completely drained mentally. I've been trying to do little things to pick me up. Here I am on a walk the other week ago with my sister, she convinced me to wear my face mask outside which I rarely do.
Michael Jackson?
I have been able to talk to my family and close friends about it since I'm feeling better, thank god because its been the toughest I can recall. I don't always update every gory, frustrating and debilitating thing that happens...but let me just sum up a couple that got me in this rut. Andddd I'm going to summarize them in numerical order just for my friend "S". Who accused me (while I was drunk over the years on her porch) of trying to make points saying "first of all" with my finger in the air and then drone on so much I'd never have a second or third. But since I'm not drunk I will have a few to share!

1) Being hospitalized on my favorite holiday.

2) Going over 30 consecutive days to several hospitals for some type of medical treatment.

3) Chemo related mouth sores, you know like ulcers/canker sores...but to boot I also had them in my nose. Talk about beyond painful and uncomfortable to breathe for weeks. This also caused me to drop another 5lbs because I couldn't eat a lot of foods. Also lots of issues sleeping from it.

4) A lot more transfusions and A LOT of fluids because I couldn't keep hydrated.

5) A bad nose bleed I think the day I posted me last blog. Because my platelets are low it kept bleeding nonstop. The blood also ran down my throat into my mouth and I was spitting out a handful of blood clots. Fucking creepy, like the "creepy blood in the mouth" incident during my first hospitalization. I subsequently rushed to the hospital and waited 3 ish hours to get blood products that day while pinching my nose. I did however meet quite a few characters that day. One a Vietnam vet who was totally ridiculous and had a gameboy with tetris. He also saw us at the hospital the next day and "allegedly" touched Amanda's boob while trying to grab her hand. LMAO. Ok I feel bad for her actually. Who knew you could get molested in the transfusion area of a cancer center?

6) That same week I spent close to 40 hours at the hospital for some thing.

7) My sister and boyfriend have been there for every single moment of this. They are truly the best and witness a lot of craziness so I know it puts a lot of stress on them too.

Thank you so much to family, friends (old and new) for all your support, letters, texts, visits and calls. It has seriously helped me from falling off my rocker lately. I miraculously maintained a pretty happy and positive attitude for most of it so I think I'm allowed this down period. Luckily I have just one more round of chemo to go (sometime in February) so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My sister reminded me or it when I got my first day off in over a month. We drove to the beach and then had ice cream. Perfect way to get your mind on the right track.
With this weekend also being the playoffs, Mike insisted we make my "good luck gumbo" for his NOLA Saints. Turned out not to be so lucky...Sorry dude! But it was nice to make a meal with him. Haven't done that in a long time.
I humor him by wearing this Saints shirt on his game day. Or I wear it when I feel like shit.
My friend "P" sent me this pic reminding me of New Orleans for our friend's Bachelorette Party the other year. Totally making out with Drew Brees in a souvenir shop. Mike is jealous. And that isn't me drunk at 10 am, and that isn't a bloody mary in my hand.....*eyes looking around the room*

To top off the weekend Mike took me to the park where we walked a little and sat on a bench to enjoy the outdoors. When walking back to the car the lady bug sitting next to us on the bench jumped on my hat. I'll think of it as good luck! Thanks again everyone. Have a good day!


  1. Happy January 17, 2012 Sister! Being frustrated and fed up is normal! Your family and friends are here to bring you out of it. It's sounds like many favorites were had this week to lift you up...beach, ice cream, walk in the park, and gumbo. Lots of prayers, hugs, and kisses for you! xoxo I'll have a run for you today in hopes to sibliminally send you strentgh!

  2. you are beautiful. Your frustration and anger and depression is normal. Please feel free to express it all here. We read, I read, because I love you and wish I was closer and I can't comment and give you love if I don't know what's going on :) But keep what you need to keep yours, yours. We'll still be here loving you and praying for you and rooting for you even if you don't post. Take some time for you, sweetie. And don't feel this is a "to-do" on your list. Love you sister and so proud of you. By the way: i LOVE your short hair in the gumbo making picture!

  3. Thank you so much ashlee! You are such a cheerleader, love you!

    Unknown comment: thank you so much for your thoughts and for the run. But who are you Hahah?

  4. Hahahaha I don't know why I'm unknown!? It's me Corri :)

  5. Ditto on everything Ashlee said! Sending lots of love, hugs, and prayers your way, big sister! <3 liep

  6. I agree with what your friend Ashlee said as well. I wish i was closer and i feel so out of the loop with what is current in your life. I wish i got to see you more often. I miss you so much, almost as much as the hamster who would have random seizures in our apartment.